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Monday, 25 February 2013

Leaving the toilet seat up: a pariah's rebuttal

As a lifelong member of the gender apparently responsible for the alignment of the toilet seat, I feel I must speak out after years of silence.  I have been oppressed to long and cannot in good conscience allow this pattern of sexist discrimination to continue.

The toilet seat.

Its been a bone of gender contention for many years and it always seems to have fallen upon us as men to take responsibility for its position.  Why? because we are the only ones who need it to be in an "up" position, whereas - women would argue - everyone needs it to be down from time to time, so the logical thing would be for it to be left in a "down" position, and for men to lift it when they need it.

Well, I have had enough of this ridiculous shenanigan! We all have hands, we can all move the damn thing, and I think that men, actually, get the raw deal on this one.

Lets just examine the physics of taking a piss.  Assuming accuracy of aim, men when standing will generally piss towards the back of the bowl, although a satisfying circular motion can occasionally be enjoyed.  the point is that the urine - if not expelled directly into the water -  hits the back of the bowl and drops, or hits the front of the bowl from an elevated angle and flows down into the water, thus removing it.  Where in this does there come an issue where men spread germs all over the loo seat? really?
 Women, however, have to wee from a squatting position, in such a way that the urine doesn't necessarily  drop down but can spray forward at a shallow angle, coating the underside of the toilet seat and as women don't have to move the toilet seat - oh heaven forbid - it means that the person that discovers this waiting piss-gift is the next MAN who has to lift it to use the facilities.

And its gross! The amount of times that I have lifted a toilet seat only to get damp fingers from the woman who has last used it, as she could neither micturate in a downwards direction or lift the lid in order to see the damage her errant urine had caused.

So, for the sake of men everywhere and because it makes sense, i am asking any woman who reads this to have some consideration and please lift the seat  for the sake of the poor man who doesn't want his fingers coated in your leavings.

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