On 21st of August, in a small, secluded little collection of buildings, I began my assessment process.
It has taken a year or so to get to this point, and the outcome is not guaranteed, but I have no words to describe the immense sense of relief to be talking to experts, discussing Aspergers as a condition, to be undergoing diagnostic process, to be able to just let go and tell someone who might understand just how hard it all is on a daily basis; how hard it is to care, how hard it is to make sure I am giving appropriate responses, how hard it is to keep control of my tongue and make sure that I'm not inadvertently offending the world.
I have seen them 3 times and they have decided they have all the information they need to consider what, if any, diagnosis there will be. While they couldn't say for sure, they did say that there is a very good chance that Aspergers would be the diagnosis.
And I got an odd rush of emotion; sadness, anger, anxiety and relief. I had to take a few minutes to sit in the car on my own quietly just to let it all sink in. Finally, maybe, I have a framework to help me understand myself. But isn't it funny that I need someone else's permission before I can fully grasp it?