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Sunday, 19 August 2012

The current conundrum

See, this is the problem with my tendency to DECIDE. I have DECIDED that I have ASD before I have been diagnosed, although I don't know exactly where on the scale I am.  Asperger's is definitely a possibility  demonstrated by my BAP test results

the problem is that people who have known me for some time have reacted with a sort of polite indifference bordering of incredulity, and while no-one has said it to my face I can see that there are people who simply don't believe me. I shouldn't be surprised. there were plenty of people who didn't believe that there was anything wrong with my eldest who has been diagnosed as severely autistic, including our own doctor.

Its just galling that I am going to have to cope with this while under scrutiny from some people, particularly people in my work, who simply think that I am lying, acting up, playing for attention of simply talking bollocks.

 I've undertaken a number of other indicator diagnosis tests such as the AQ test which is a recommended AS test used diagnostically by professionals for adults (or so I have been told) where I score 43 out of 50. given that the wife scores 5, and that the advice is to talk to someone if you score over 32 I'm going to stick with my self-diagnosis until the NHS catches up (which will likely be in about 18 months time)

I know I have plenty of NT traits otherwise this would have all been picked up years ago. as it is people have merely been aware that I have had certain emotional control issues (put down to hormones in my teens) and have always been a bit of an oddball. certainly my collection of friends never helped with that perception: all RP geeks, little in the way of "normal" behaviour and charisma, all natural outsiders.  so when you are odd but within a group where your behaviour is not considered that unusual, people stop considering that you may be anything other than a little eccentric.

knowing about this years ago could have saved me a lot of emotional trauma

But the fact of the matter is I currently feel uncomfortable at work as I have people around me whom I genuinely feel do not believe me. so what do I do? what can I do? how do you convince someone that you have ASD when they have known you for almost 2 years and you look and act to all intents and purposes normal. I have been regulating my behaviour for years without relating it to ASD at all although given that i had to have a month off with stress obviously not very well.  knowing I'm ASD should make things easier, but what do I do now that I have told my work that this is what is happening with me, i feel if anything that it is making things harder.

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